I live in a house with two Grade 12 sisters. With the quarantine and their abrupt end to school, they have more time on their hands than ever. I often come across them sprawled out on their beds, trying they hadn’t done before, spending their time in ways they wanted to spend it, all the while with the excitement of beginning their independent college lives glimmering in their eyes. And God, was I jealous.
Since I am a Grade 11 student entering the most challenging years of my high school life, I still have a long way to go. Seeing my sisters sit back and let loose was not easy for me. I know that they’ve worked hard over the years, and they completely deserve this freedom and rest – so why couldn’t I just be happy for them?
Maybe it’s the fact that I still live in a world of uncertainty while they live carelessly in the next room. Or maybe it’s just plain old sisterly love-hate. Anyway, the sound of them cooking up a storm in the kitchen or watching Netflix all day in their pajamas made me roll my eyes and block my ears. But thanks to my sisters, I’ve found a way to be happy for others whilst reining in the green-eyed monster inside me.
1. Think about what they’ve gone through.
If someone is celebrating an achievement, it took them a lot of hard work and effort to get there. I’ve seen it with my sisters. The countless nights they spent reading me their college essays, refining them a hundred times over. The hours spent revising for exams. The lunchtimes they spent running around to different activities. Thinking about the years they have sacrificed for this moment made it easier for me to let go of my envy and let them enjoy their time off.
Is someone in your class getting a higher grade than you are, even though it seems like they don’t study as much as you do? Did your rival get into your dream school? Sometimes, it can be hard to see why a person is getting something in life when it looks like they don’t deserve it. One thing to always keep in mind is that we all have limited insights into each others’ lives, even if we think we are omniscient. Take comfort in the thought that they deserved whatever they got and move on to thinking about what you can control. Yourself. Instead of pouting over seemingly unfair things in life, take that time to self-reflect and self-improve. Because however much you wish it wasn’t, life is going to be unfair. And the only thing you can do to minimize the inequitable consequences is striving to become the best version of yourself.
2. Don’t be too self-critical.
Remember that it’s natural to be a little jealous at times. Especially if things are working out for others when they aren’t working out for you. Don’t make this normal emotion into an opportunity to degrade yourself. “I must be a terrible person.” “Everyone else is congratulating them. Why am I so heartless?” These kinds of thoughts will only feed your negativity and make you feel guilty. The more you blame yourself for feeling this way, the worse you’ll feel, and the harder it will be for you to get over your jealousy. Let yourself feel what you feel and put it behind you.
3. Use their success as inspiration.
Seeing people succeed can be a motivational factor, but only if you take it the right way. It can be easy to see one’s success and equate it to your failure, but try flipping it the other way. If they can do it, so can you! Which leads me to my next point…
4. Know that your time is coming.
Yes, they had their time to shine, but soon, you’ll be the one receiving felicitations from them. Personally, I know that this time in my life is integral to getting where I want in life, so I try to block my sisters out as they have their fun and continue to focus on my schoolwork despite wanting to join them. If you can power through this and work towards your own goals, you are sure to gain something along the way. Bear in mind that the award, the college, the ‘whatever’ the other person got, is not the most important thing in the world. It’s not even close! You still have so much more of your life to live, so many other prizes to win, and so many more opportunities to reach for. So don’t get hung up on it.
And hey, if all else fails, just try to fake it ‘till you make it. Soon, you’ll forget all about this.
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